1994 - first stop, first disaster, first summer crush

Yup, after the first years having been pretty fun over all,
it felt like I had had enough for a while.
I was simply spending time, waiting for something to pop up.
The turnover came in April, though.
I wish I could say it was a good one.

I think we all knew where it was heading,
as my granddad had practically gone in and out
of hospital throughout that early spring,
coming home for a few days, only to be back in again.
I have to say, nevertheless, it still came as a shock
when in the late morning of the 19th, he lost his fight for life.

I found it out myself that same afternoon (mom told me)
and my first word was what probably anyone would've said.
Simply "WHAT??". Actually I guess I never really reacted
and reflected about it until after the funeral.
It was on a Tuesday so the rest of the week pretty much
went by in a blur.

As ironic as it probably seems, that was the thing
that got me into starting writing again.
I have a faint memory of doing a few things in Swedish,
but I guess they never stuck around for too long.
Maybe I was too occupied with school to really get it right.

That summer, I remember very clear, though.
Have had a daycare crush in the past,
but this time I had my first, serious summer crush.
It happened when I went to some sort of "daycare for school kids",
a place where us youngsters could be while our moms worked.
And, oh my god, I have to admit that there was a girl,
about 15 years older than myself that was, well,
let's just say she just had to say hi in the morning
to make my heart beat a million miles faster than normal.

She had that cute face (loved the faint freckles),
shoulder-length, blonde hair, the sweetest voice.
I guess I didn't talk about much more than "JJ this
and JJ that" that summer.
Even those two weeks that my mom had vacation,
was enough to make me miss her a bit.

That her little sister also began working there later
and that we practically became a trio then,
probably isn't worth to mention.
But during that summer, I was in heaven.
Even to this day I can catch up with myself,
wondering what she's doing now.

Anyway, summer went, autumn came, school started
and summer crushes flew out the window.
I guess it's unnecessary to say that the subject
I looked most forward to was English.
Yeah, I actually started on the songwriting again,
this time on something that would be the first
really "full-blown, all-in"-project.
As the years have passed by, it have also been gaining
the less admiring nickname of "The first serious project".

That was a story for the year to come though.
Another thing probably worth mentioning is that
I turned 10 that november. Found out later that
those who were born as prematurely as I was
(10 weeks, give or take), stood at a 50/50-chance to survive.
Pretty high, but always enough to make me a bit humble for a while.
And then the first christmas without my granddad.
Probably didn't reflect over it too much back then,
but I guess I had that feeling deep inside that something was missing.
I guess that was where we were when 1995 kicked into gear.