that's keeping me busy right now. The, what seems like
neverending, project of writing some stuff ranging from
2003, all the way up to 2011 into the computer.
Have been storing some of them in separate notebooks
and on loose papers up until now.
It has actually been more fun than I thought,
sitting and looking back on how crazy these past years
have been and how many different things I've gone through
throughout all this time. To me it still, and probably
forever, seems totally unreal. I know I wrote those things,
but seeing it after a while, it feels so crazy how I could
write something like that. I mean, I've always been the shy
kind of guy who have wanted to be in the center, but never
really have seemed comfortable with it, often standing a bit
on the side.
To be honest, when I started the (lyrics) blog in 2006,
the goal wasn't to get people to know the lyrics-side of me
(that just came along, I guess), but to be some kind of a
ghost writer. Simply writing lyrics, getting them out,
but not wanting people to know I really wrote them.
I was actually thinking about deleting the blog as soon
as one week after I created it. Somehow I guess I kept on going.
What might suprise a bit is that even if I'm pretty good at writing
good things to people who are in music, whether label-signed or not,
it's always been a little awkward to receive the same. I know
I'm a pretty good writer, but to me it just feels like anyone
could write those things. It simply just happened to be me
who held the pen, or clicked my fingers on the keyboard for that matter.
Still I have to say, even though I might not know how to thank you
properly, it feels great, but of course so surreal to receive
all the uplifting and positive words that I'm getting.
No matter for how long I'll be doing this, I'll forever feel like
a beginner, always feel like the kid who wrote his first thing
and always trying to evolve and find things I haven't done before
(or revisiting things that have been done before).
I guess I'm not really comfortable with standing in front of a crowd.
I simply don't rely on my own stuff to back me up enough.
It might sound crazy to you, but think about it. If I get so
nervous that my legs are shaking, just by doing a cover in front of
barely 100 people in the local nightclub at the end of the summer,
how the hell am I gonna play my own material in the same way,
and much more serious too? It'd be nerve-wrecking.
I guess that's why I'm choosing the internet-ways.
It kinda makes me feel more safe in a way.
I've never wanted to be a star (liar, liar), I just happen
to be a guy who wants his writing to be just a fun hobby.
That it got more like a second full-time work is another thing.
Still, if I can be able to do this until the day I die,
I won't be the one to turn it down. So I guess I'll just
keep on doing what I do best. Writing those small,
kinda cheesy things that always surprise me after a few years...
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